Full Circle
by Sode no Shirayuki1411
Summary: Zeke thinks about the relationship he has with Colt and how things would be different if he hadn't doomed them both. One-shot. Pointless drabble as always. Slight manga spoilers.


**Hi everyone. This is my first and possibly last Attack on Titan fic, hope you enjoy.**

 **I'm writing this as a practice run because over here NaNoWriMo starts in just over an hour, good luck to anyone participating!**

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Full Circle

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If he couldn't see the slow rise and fall of Colt's chest, Zeke would have thought the younger man dead.

His eyes were open, staring vacantly at the ceiling, he was so deep into his own mind that he had forgotten to blink for the last few minutes.

"Are you ready to leave yet?" Zeke asked, Colt blinked and jerked up from the ground where he'd collapsed after training and forgotten to move.

"What? Uh, yes," he blinked his stinging eyes furiously, "sorry, I was so lost in thought that I forgot where I was."

A memory from his childhood came back vividly to Zeke, his father Grisha shaking his head, an amused smile on his face. "That Grice, his head always in the clouds." Looked like it was a family trait.

It suddenly occurred to Zeke that if he hadn't sold out the Eldian resistance as a child, Colt's life would probably be very different.

Well, if he hadn't turned his back on the resistance he'd probably be helping them, so they'd all either be dead or on their way to freedom and _everyone's_ lives would be dramatically different. But Colt in particular.

He was a good soldier; loyal, intelligent, brave, strong and capable of both leading and following orders, but what really carried him through was his determination to clear the rest of his family of suspicion. Many still believed the remaining Grice members were sympathetic to the rebels, Colt probably wouldn't have achieved so high as to be the beast-Titan-in-training if he hadn't had the pressure of his family's lives hanging over his head.

Zeke thought about Colt's uncle, the man had been Grisha's closest friend and had babysat Zeke more than once, he was quick-tempered and impulsive, nothing like his cool-headed nephew, but he'd been a good man and, even though this had been years before Colt was even born, Zeke still felt as though he'd taken something from the younger man by robbing him of that potential bond.

He picked up the ball and catchers mitts he and Colt had been playing catch with (to keep their hand-eye co-ordination skills sharp, of course), as Colt gathered his things, and tasted bile in the back of his throat.

What was he doing? He was Colt's mentor, both as a senior soldier and as the current beast titan, sure, but he had no business playing the part of Colt's reassuring and caring uncle when he'd been the one to take that bond from him.

"You ready yet?" Zeke asked, and his tone came out harsher than he intended, the shift in Colt was subtle, but immediate, his spine stiffened and his eyes opened fully as he stopped looking at Zeke as a companion and started looking at him as a potential threat.

Because to Colt even the slight ire of a member of the Marleyan military could mean the deaths of everyone he'd ever cared about. And that was on Zeke.

"Yes sir," he said, his voice non-confrontational and absolutely toneless, his emotions locked behind a wall he used to protect himself around those he didn't trust.

It hurt, oh it hurt, that one sharp tone could have Colt, a person Zeke looked at as almost a younger brother, ducking for cover but he knew it wasn't personal, it was because Colt couldn't afford to make a mistake and upset the wrong person.

One misstep…

Because of him.

Zeke forced himself to turn away, ignoring the hurt like he'd ignored it when he'd finally been reunited with Berthold and Reiner for the first time in years and seen that Marcel and Annie weren't with them, then when the two kids he'd looked after had stared right through him like he was a stranger.

"Good, we have work to do and can't be lazing about all day," he said, the sharpness in his tone replaced by a bitterness that had Colt eyeing him curiously when he thought Zeke wasn't looking.

He'd keep ignoring that hurt, what else could he do? Because he wasn't their family. And it was a proven fact; the further away from him Colt stayed, the longer he'd live.

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 **I just had a lot of feelings when I found out that the uncle of Colt's who was in the resistance was that guy always hanging around Grisha, that's all. Hope you enjoyed. Bye guys!**


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